I recently came across a wonderful article written for a Marathi magazine. This article was about the greatness of a father. I liked the article so much that I spent some time translating it as best I could into English though I am not convinced that I have done a good job of it. Though the original Marathi article is much deeper and a lot of depth has been lost in translation, I still feel this version retains the intended message. Please remember that the original Marathi author is Mrs. Nirmala Apte.
So much of our literature is written in celebration of the mother. The mother has been raised to status of a Goddess time and now. We personify nature and earth as Mother Nature and Mother Earth. But what about a father? Would it not be a terrible wrong to say that a father does nothing while the mother nurtures and nourishes us? And yet so much of literature speaks only of the greatness of mother. Saints and poets have written hymns and poems about mothers. And when a father takes center stage in any writing he is shown as the drunkard, cruel father whom the mother struggles against and fights. Such a small percent of fathers would fit this image and yet there seems to be hardly any literature devoted to the greatness and sacrifice of a father.
A mother can always cry but a father simply cannot. It is always easy to cry than to hold back tears and appear strong so as to give hope and strength to the family. We always remember the mother who we see day in and day out working to feed us and nurture us but we hardly see the father. He works day in and day out without complaint, without a drop of tear and without any expectations. When his own father dies, he cannot cry as he reminds himself of his younger brothers. Even when his mother dies, he denies himself the chance to cry for he needs to give strength to his sister. And should he be unfortunate to abruptly lose his wife, he still holds back his tears to help his children recover. How strong he is who holds back his tears to appear strong and give strength to all those around him!
One may praise Jijabai for raising a fine son like Shivaji but one should not forget the efforts of King Shahaji in doing the same. Praise Yashoda no doubt, for her immense love towards Krishna but do not forget the Vasudev who carried him across the river in a stormy night to save him. When you remember Lord Ram, do not just remember Kausalya but also remember the great King Dasarath, who died out of the agony of separation from his son. One may not be able to hear or feel the love of a father but one can see it. One can see it in the worn out shoes he wears and the badly soiled and torn vest. Some vest was meant to be torn and your father made sure it was his and not yours. Look at his tired and unshaven face and feel the pain he has endured to make your life.
A father quietly but proudly buys a nice dress for his daughter, a shirt for his son and suppresses all his desire to buy one for himself. While the son and the daughter are out in the beauty saloons the struggling, caring and worried father spends his time at home shaving using common soap and maybe some times without any soap at all. When he falls ill he fears going to a doctor not because he fears illness but because he does not want a doctor telling him to rest for a month. A month’s rest might damage all his plans to get his daughter married in the grandest possible way. A month’s rest might damage his efforts to send his son to the best engineering or the medical college however out of reach it might be for him. Day in and day out he works to send money to his son every month so that he may take care of himself and yet we hear of so many sons who throw parties in pubs with that very money which is the end product of blood, toil, tears and sweat of their fathers. And what is worse is that they swear. mock and tease in their very names. The mother might nurture and bring us up with her caring hands but a family is not complete without the father whose strength holds the family together. As long as the father is there it is as if the whole house is well protected by a shield. You cannot shrug off being somebody’s son but a father always has a choice to shrug off the responsibility of being a father but he does not. And one may always ask as to what is a mother without a father?
We always notice the mother who cuddles her child in her arms out of appreciation when he succeeds in some endeavor but we tend to overlook the quiet father who walks out to buy the sweets which he proudly shares with all those close to him. We notice the nine months of struggle of a mother as she bears her child and we glorify the pain she undergoes in giving birth to the child but we completely overlook the restless and the worried father marching apprehensively outside the operation theater waiting for somebody to come out and tell him the good news.
When a son does not return home in time, the father is far more worried than even the mother herself. If there is anyone who exhibits apprehension and restlessness when a child fails to come back home at the expected time, it is the father. A father does not mind to sacrifice his pride when he is faced with situations like getting his daughter married or getting his son employed in his company. How great is the father who works quietly but sincerely in the background ready to give up anything for the betterment of the household! But who does appreciate the importance of the father?
Sadly and ironically it is those sons and daughters who have to stay away from their fathers or have unfortunately lost their father. He who does not have a father has to take upon himself every single task of his father and on him alone wisdom has dawned – the wisdom of how great a task being a father is! She understands who can notice the quiver and concern in her father’s voice as his voice fills with sadness of being away from her. All a father expects in return of his immense sacrifices is that he is understood. A little understanding and a little love! Is it too much to give back after all that has been given to us by a father?